


Blame it on the B-Movies

by glitterfics



Category: Boa vs. Python (2004), Thoughtcrimes (2003)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Community: smallfandomfest, First Time, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Phone Sex, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-14
Updated: 2012-07-14
Packaged: 2017-11-09 23:39:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/459782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitterfics/pseuds/glitterfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When their latest case grinds to a halt, Brendan takes a desperate long shot and emails a snake specialist based on a crazy thought Freya picked up from a suspect's mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blame it on the B-Movies

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for this summer's [smallfandomfest](http://smallfandomfest.livejournal.com/) using the Thoughtcrimes/Boa vs Python prompt: _Long distance courtship_. 
> 
> Love and cookies to my beta [lazydazyfics](http://lazydazyfics.livejournal.com/) who did another super fast beta for me, despite saying that the last one was a one-off.  
> I don't own these movies or any of the characters, I just play with them. No infringement on copyright is intended. Neither is any offense meant to the people of West Virginia, I just surplanted my own small town childhood there :D

“A giant snake?” Brendan raised an eyebrow at his partner. “You’re kidding me, right?”

Freya shrugged. “That’s what I got. He was terrified and his thoughts kept circling a giant snake.”

For all the times that Freya was able to get some genuinely good Intel by reading suspects minds while Brendan asked them deliberately leading questions, there were an equal amount of times when those thoughts were just too vague for them to do anything with.

Brendan sighed. “So...the meetings take place in a zoo. Or a pet shop...”

“No,” Freya interrupted with a shake of her head. “I mean _giant_ , like really bad B movie big. Have you ever seen that movie ‘Nemes-hiss’? Like that.”

“Okay, firstly, you need to cut down on this addiction to bad late night TV,” Brendan told her, smirking as she rolled her eyes, “and secondly, no way does a snake like that exist in real life.”

“I really hope not.” Freya shuddered.

They spent the rest of the day chasing down other leads that went absolutely nowhere, until they returned to the office and slumped dejectedly at their desks.

“You may as well head home,” Brendan told Freya. “I don’t think there’s much more we can do today.”

Freya nodded tiredly; reading all those thoughts from all of those not very nice people had taken its usual toll on her.

“You leaving too?” she asked but Brendan shook his head.

“I’m going to stay a bit longer and type up what we’ve got so far,” he said. “You get some sleep though; we’ve got to do this all again tomorrow.”

She smiled at him as she gathered her things. “Don’t stay too late.”

Brendan waved her off and then got stuck into the fine art of making ‘we found nothing’ sound like ‘we may have found something promising, just give us a little more time to work on it’. He started chuckling quietly to himself as he worked his way through the day and remembered the look on Freya’s face when she described the _giant_ snake. That, combined with the fact that writing reports was just so boring and Google was sitting there merely a couple of clicks away, was the only thing Brendan could think of to justify why he was suddenly looking up super large snakes.

He came across a blog entry from a year earlier; some kid saying that a mutant snake ‘bigger than a bus’ had attacked a rave he’d attended in Philadelphia. The blog then went on to claim that the snake had killed a couple more kids in the woods along with a local TV news reporter and his cameraman, and that the government had covered up the whole thing.

Brendan shook his head and went to leave the crazy theorist’s page when his eye caught on the final paragraph which stated that a Dr Emmett, world renowned herpetologist, had been spotted in the area at the time. 

He drummed his fingers on his desk and sighed. They really didn’t have _anything_ else to go on and it couldn’t hurt to find out if snakes actually grew that big. A few more searches told Brendan that this Emmett guy worked out of a reserve in West Virginia and got him an email address. He typed out a quick message, sent it off and then logged out of his computer, slightly disgusted with himself for even entertaining the idea of following up that particular lead. 

It was obviously time for him to go home.  
 ****

***

****  
Emmett smiled to himself as he watched Monica march confidently into Betty’s enclosure with the snake’s lunch. Monica’s presence when Emmett had rescued Betty from the water plant, as well as the frequent visits she’d made since, had obviously instilled some trust from Betty; she normally only allowed Emmett to feed her this way.

At least it meant that there was someone who could step into his role if he ever wanted a vacation. Which he supposed was exactly the point that Monica was trying to make. Ever since the FBI python fiasco Emmett had a few issues with leaving the reserve. He still went out to study snakes in the wild but these days he stuck to places he could drive to and back within a day. Anything more than that and Betty became agitated by his absence while Emmett worried that someone like Broddick would take advantage of the fact he wasn’t at the reserve to break in and steal her. 

When Monica realised all of this she had made it her mission to help Emmett ‘get his life back’.

It looked like the latest part of her plan was to show Emmett that Betty would probably accept him leaving for a small break if Monica was there with her instead. That didn’t change his worries about someone coming after Betty if he was gone, however, and he felt kind of bad about that as he saw the jubilant grin Monica sent his way when Betty coiled around her feet to grab the food and then slithered away again. Monica really was putting a lot of effort into this. Maybe he could come up with something; hire extra security to watch the enclosure perhaps.

“That never gets old!” Monica laughed as she walked back into the lab, a complete contrast to the woman who'd run out of the enclosure the first time she saw Betty.

“Oh, yeah?” Emmett smiled. “That almost sounds like you’d be willing to give up the aquatic life.”

She gave an unladylike snort. “Never going to happen. _But_ …I could be persuaded to stay on dry land for, say, a couple of weeks.”

Emmett sighed. “Monica…”

“No, Emmett. When was the last time you got away from here?” She fixed him with that glare which could cow Marines into submission.

He didn’t answer.

“It was Philadelphia, right?” Her glare softened. “Emmett that was over a year ago and no one could call that a vacation. You need a break and, who knows, maybe stepping back from your research for a week or so will help you to look at it from a different angle.”

“I’ll think about it,” Emmett allowed.

She grinned at him, knowing that she’d already won, and Emmett rolled his eyes because he knew it too. 

They finished feeding the rest of the snakes and then retired to his apartment at the back of the reserve for the evening. When Monica had arrived that morning, she’d brought with her all the ingredients for some eclectic new meal that she’d invented and wanted to test out on Emmett. So she got busy in the kitchen and Emmett settled at the breakfast bar with his laptop in order to keep her company. It was comfortable, homey, and he liked to think that if his sister had survived then they would have had nights like this too.

While Monica banged pans about and told him all about the latest Navy Seal she’d fleeced for $500, Emmett checked his emails. He froze when he spotted, amongst the usual queries and newsletters, an email with an _nsa.gov_ address. Goddamn Alphabet Agencies. The last thing he wanted was to be dragged into another situation like the one with the FBI so it with some trepidation that he opened it. Then he let out a bark of laughter.

“Listen to this,” he said when Monica looked at him questioningly. “’Dr Emmett. I’m sorry to bother you for what will probably turn out to be a ridiculous question but the subject of snakes has arisen during one of my current investigations. Is there any way that a snake could grow to what could be termed as ‘giant’ proportions? The movie ‘Nemes-hiss’ was mentioned as a reference point if that helps you to gauge the scale I’m talking about. I know that you’re probably about to dismiss this email as a prank but I assure you that it is a serious question. Your help would be much appreciated. Agent Brendan Dean.’”

“ _Agent_ Dean?” 

“NSA,” Emmett replied with a nod. 

“Wow, those agencies really don’t talk to each other do they?” Monica chuckled. “Aww, it’s kind of like the FBI and the CIA had a party and didn’t invite the NSA.”

“Well, I suppose if you had a clusterfuck like Philadelphia or the CIA programme then you probably wouldn’t want to tell anyone about it either,” Emmett pointed out. 

“True,” Monica mused. “You should write back to him though, he sounds cute.”

“What?” Emmett looked at her in disbelief. “How can someone sound _cute_ in an email?”

She shrugged. “They just can and he does.”

“You’re insane. I have told you this, right?”

She poked her tongue out at him and turned back to her cooking. Emmett looked at the open email again and hit reply. Not because he ‘sounded cute’, the guy was probably fifty, fat and balding but he’d asked for Emmett’s help and the least Emmett could do was send a quick message back.  
 ****

***

 ****  
Brendan blinked at the reply he’d received from Dr Emmett and then frowned. Either the guy was a crackpot or he was stringing Brendan along in revenge for asking stupid questions.

“You emailed a snake expert?” Freya walked up to the desk, handed him a coffee and then winced at the look he gave her. “Sorry, but you were thinking _really_ loudly.”

He sighed; it wasn’t as if it was her fault. Maybe if he could’ve mastered those blocking techniques that Welles had shown him…but for some reason he just couldn’t get a handle on them.

“A snake expert? For what?” 

Brendan groaned inwardly. Of course, their boss would’ve been walking past at just that moment.

Freya gave him an apologetic look before facing Harper. “One of the suspects we interviewed yesterday kept thinking about a snake. No matter what we asked him, he kept coming back to it.”

“And you think it’s got something to do with the case,” Harper said.

“Probably not,” Brendan admitted. “But I thought it was probably best to make sure.”

Harper leaned over his shoulder to read the email still open on his computer screen and Brendan closed his eyes; waiting for Harper to start yelling at him, or laughing. It was one thing to tell him they were chasing down a lead to do with a snake, it was quite another for him to find out exactly what kind of lead it was.

When no yelling or laughing was forthcoming, Brendan peeked at his boss to find him staring thoughtfully at the screen.

“Emmett,” he muttered. “I know that name. He was involved in an FBI case about a year ago. A friend of mine was killed during it.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” Brendan said soberly and then looked at Freya in confusion at their boss’s behaviour only to find that her eyes had grown really wide from whatever she was reading in Harper’s head.

“Go back and talk to this suspect again.” Harper shook off his weird mood and straightened. “I want to know more about this snake. Are they using it somehow? Is it in the city? Find out everything you can.”

With that he marched away, back to his office and Freya dropped into her seat, looking a little pale.

“Your doctor’s not crazy.” She nodded at Brendan’s monitor. “They really do grow that big.”

“If they’re genetically modified,” Brendan said, glancing at the screen again.  
 ****  
 ****

  
_Agent Dean.  
I’m sorry to burst your bubble but a snake can achieve the sizes you are talking about; although not without genetic enhancement. I have enclosed a list of the facilities within the US who are capable of this to aid your investigation. You will note that Longview Reserve is on the list; however, I assure you that we only have one ‘giant snake’ on the premises and Betty is safely locked up in her enclosure.  
Also, ‘Nemes-hiss’ is a ridiculous movie and you should feel ashamed of yourself for having watched it let alone used it as a reference point.  
Emmett._  


 ****  
 ****  
“Come on, we should leave now if we’re going to re-interview Hernandez.” Brendan pushed himself away from his desk and stood.

“Can I drive?” Freya grabbed her badge from her drawer.

“No,” scoffed Brendan and they bickered all the way down to the parking lot, just as they did every morning.

Once they were both in the car, Brendan driving through the city, they fell into silence until Freya threw her hands in the air and turned in her seat.

“Just ask, already,” she exclaimed.

“Did Harper’s buddy get eaten by a giant snake?” Brendan immediately asked all in one breath, quite proud of himself for holding it in as long as he had.

“No.” Freya gave him a look. “He was chasing some rich guy who’d smuggled the snake into the country. He got shot by one of the men who were hunting it for sport.”

“They brought it here to hunt it?” Sometimes Brendan couldn’t believe how stupid people were. “So how was this Emmett guy involved?”

“That snake he mentioned in his email? The one at his reserve? Well, Harper’s FBI friend got him to release it in order to track down the first snake.” Freya shuddered. “Can you believe that? There were two of those monsters roaming about.”

Brendan glanced at her. “This was in Philadelphia, right?”

Freya nodded and Brendan took back everything he’d thought about that poor guy who’d written the blog Brendan had found the night before.

A few minutes later they pulled up outside of a run down diner where their suspect worked. The moment he spotted Brendan and Freya, Hernandez started to look scared.

“I told you that I don’t know anything,” he said as they sat down at the counter.

“Hey, we were just hungry and we thought ‘why don’t we go to that crappy diner we were at yesterday?’” Brendan quipped as he handed Freya a menu which she could pretend to peruse. “While you’re waiting for us to order though, tell me…what do you know about really big snakes?”

By the end of the day, they had the terrorist they’d been chasing in custody along with the head scientist of one of the upstate New York facilities that Emmett had mentioned. The scientist had allowed the terrorist to use the genetically modified snake he’d created to dispose of anyone who displeased him, in return for a handsome payment of course.

Not a bad day’s work, Brendan thought as he collapsed onto his sofa that night. Even Harper had been pleased; Brendan could tell by the way his scowl wasn’t quite as deep as normal. 

He turned ESPN on to play in the background while he booted up his laptop and logged into his work email account.  
 ****

***

 ****  
Monica was on a date. She had somehow managed to find herself an eligible guy while she’d been at the shops replacing the pan she’d burned beyond salvaging the night before. Emmett couldn’t even be surprised; it’s just the way Monica was. She could talk to anyone, anywhere, dazzle them with her friendly and upbeat personality, spend a couple of days with them in a whirlwind romance and then part on good terms.

Emmett, himself, had actually lasted an entire fortnight but he put that down to the whole ‘we’re still alive, let’s celebrate by having lots of sex’ thing.

He was just trying to decide if he should have an early night or put on a movie when his laptop beeped to let him know he had an email. He smirked when he saw it was from Agent Dean.  
 ****  
 ****

  
_Emmett.  
I just wanted to let you know that the info you sent came in very useful. Obviously, I can’t give you any details but you helped get some bad guys off the streets. Thank you.  
Also, how do you know that ‘Nemes-hiss’ is so ridiculous if you haven’t seen it? You should probably feel ashamed of yourself for having watched that.  
Agent Dean._  


 ****  
 ****  
Emmett chuckled; the guy definitely had a sense of humour. He debated with himself for a moment before hitting reply.  
 ****  
 ****

  
_Agent Dean.  
Thank you for your email; I’m glad I could be of some help.  
For your information I was forced to watch that travesty of a movie as a result of losing a bet with one of my colleagues. So I feel more ashamed of my inability to predict the winner of our local hotdog eating contest.  
What’s your excuse?  
Emmett._  


 ****  
 ****  
Coming to the decision that he really wasn’t sleepy enough to call it a night, Emmett instead put on some mindless comedy that Monica had brought. He was about half hour into it when his laptop beeped at him again. Another email from Agent Dean but this time it was from gmail address. He must have finished work; now that Emmett thought about it, it _was_ pretty late to still be at the office.  
 ****  
 ****

  
_Emmett.  
Never go in against a colleague when B movies are on the line.  
I have no excuse beyond the belief that taking a girl to see a creature feature on the first date would help me get lucky, what with all the comforting I’d have to do. Unfortunately, the girl in question was a really big fan of horror films and didn’t need any comforting at all; I should have stuck with something that had cool spaceships, at least I would have enjoyed that.  
So, hotdog eating contests huh? Is that what passes for entertainment in West Virginia?  
Brendan._  


 ****  
 ****

  
_Brendan.  
You can’t erase the first impression you made by quoting an actual good movie at me, Vizzini. Also, the first date scary movie tactic never works; I learnt that from the ‘Blood Lake IV’ Amanda Spencer fiasco I had when I was 16. A word of advice, don’t take a date out for an enormous ice-cream before going to see a gory film; it doesn’t end well.  
I’ll have you know that Elkins has lots of entertainment. Later this month we have a wood carving festival and I believe there is a pie bakeoff on the horizon. You’re just jealous that you don’t get these things wherever you are.  
Emmett._  


 ****  
 ****

  
_Emmett.  
I am so, so jealous. Whenever I next take in a game at Shay Stadium I’ll be wishing that I could be at the Elkins, West Virginia Whittling Fair instead. Curse my bad luck at having to live in New York.  
Intelligently, I knew the date tactic wouldn’t work but I don’t tend to make a very good first impression, as you’ve kindly pointed out. I needed every little bit of help I could get.  
Are you sure that the ice-cream was the cause of the fiasco? I’ve seen ‘Blood Lake IV’; it could have been the acting that made this Amanda girl ill. I’ll take your advice on board though.  
Brendan._  


 ****  
 ****

  
_Brendan.  
You’re not a normal type of NSA agent, are you?  
Emmett._  


 ****  
 ****

***

 ****  
Brendan had been in a good mood all day. The successful closing of the case the day before meant that he and Freya could actually have the weekend off for once. He’d slept for a few hours longer than he normally did, lazed around watching Saturday morning cartoons and then did go and take in a baseball game; a sort of spur of the moment decision prompted by the conversation he’d had with Emmett the night before. He’d even been tempted to pick up a tacky Mets souvenir for the other man as a joke before he realised that was probably just weird considering that they didn’t even know each other.

It had just been so easy though. He’d been on a high from the bust and when Emmett had replied to his initial ‘thanks for the help’ email with the story about the bet he lost, Brendan had just wanted to keep talking to him. So, he’d switched to his Gmail account, in case it was his turn to be checked by the random monitoring the NSA did on employee emails, and struck up a conversation that lasted well into the early hours.

He supposed that this was why people took up online dating; it was just easier to start chatting to someone that way. Less chance of blurting out stupid things. Not that he was interested in dating Emmett; it would just be nice to have a friend who wasn’t part of law enforcement, who he could talk to without mentioning the cases they were working on or who got shot recently. Besides, he liked Emmett, the guy shared Brendan’s quirky sense of humour and he’d had fun bantering with him over a wide range of subjects until they’d both been too tired to keep going.

Still rather full from the huge burger he’d eaten at the ball park, Brendan decided to forego dinner and poured himself a beer before settling down in front of his laptop for the second night in a row. He found an email from Emmett already waiting for him, with a link to an instant messaging programme and one sentence underneath: ‘Before my email account starts yelling at me for using up all the memory ever.’

He grinned and followed the link.

 

**Notwhittling:** Hey, doc. How was your day?

**Snakedoctor:** Not bad. The new test results are looking promising.

 

Emmett had given Brendan a brief outline of his work the night before when Brendan had questioned him about creating an eighty-foot Boa like Betty. It certainly was a worthwhile goal that Emmett had; a universal antivenin would save a hell of a lot of lives.

 

**Snakedoctor:** How about yours?

**Notwhittling:** I went to watch the Mets.

**Snakedoctor:** Which explains your username. So, did you wish you were in Elkins?

**Notwhittling:** Strangely enough, no. I did wish that my team would actually win a game though.

**Snakedoctor:** You should watch a proper sport.

**Notwhittling:** Truck pulling?

**Snakedoctor:** I was going to go with football but whatever moves your furniture.

**Notwhittling:** Ha ha :P

 

Brendan poked his tongue out at the screen as well, even though he knew Emmett couldn’t see it. Emmett didn’t answer straight away so Brendan flicked through the TV channels to find something decent to watch.

 

**Snakedoctor:** I am being blackmailed into saying hello to you from Monica. And she would like to know if you are cute? 

**Notwhittling:** Monica?

**Snakedoctor:** An annoying friend who’s staying for a fewdaljsrgkrsfdfrhed

**Snakedoctor:** An extremely lovely friend who’s visiting.

**Notwhittling:** She just hit you didn’t she?

**Snakedoctor:** Maybe.

**Notwhittling:** She kind of sounds like my partner.

**Notwhittling:** Listen, I don’t want to take up your time if you have a friend staying. We can talk another day.

**Snakedoctor:** No, it’s fine. She’s leaving to go on a hot date any minute.

 

Brendan frowned at he looked at the screen. He’d been surprised by the jolt of jealously that had shot through him at the idea of some girl staying at Emmett’s house. It wasn’t like him to get proprietary over friends but then he supposed that it wasn’t like him to become friends with someone so quickly either, especially when he’d never actually met them. 

 

**Notwhittling:** So you’re not the hot date? I thought I was cock-blocking you for a moment there.

**Snakedoctor:** Ha ha ha! Because I would be sitting here talking to you if there was the offer of sex elsewhere :P

**Notwhittling:** Fair point.

**Snakedoctor:** Her date is with some guy she picked up in the hardware store yesterday. Feel free to make as many jokes as you like.

**Notwhittling:** Too easy :D

**Snakedoctor:** She’s apparently still waiting for an answer to her question. There’s foot tapping and everything.

**Notwhittling:** Am I cute? I don’t know, I guess so..? My partner keeps telling me that female suspects think naughty thoughts about me but I think that’s got more to do with my glamorous job, lol. 

**Snakedoctor:** She said ‘good answer’ and then left for her date. Weird.

**Notwhittling:** Never try to understand the female mind, doc.

**Snakedoctor:** Truer words...

**Notwhittling:** So, how come she’s going on dates while visiting you? Shouldn’t she be hanging out with you?

**Snakedoctor:** She’s here all week and I know she’d be going stir crazy if she had to stay in every night. This guy’s just a bit of fun, she’ll be back tomorrow.

**Notwhittling:** Ooh, you’re sounding a little jealous there. Got a crush on your ‘very lovely friend’?

**Snakedoctor:** Ha ha! Not jealous, just a statement of fact. Me and Monica work better as friends than anything more, we learned that a while back.

 

Brendan’s eyebrows rose at that. So, this Monica was an ex and she was flaunting other guys in front of Emmett and Emmett seemed okay with that. Sounded like kind of a strange relationship to Brendan. 

 

**Snakedoctor:** What about you? Isn’t your partner upset that you’re spending your Saturday night chatting with me?

**Notwhittling:** Freya? Why would she be upset about that?

**Snakedoctor:** Shouldn’t you be taking her out or spending time with her?

**Notwhittling:** Oh! No, she’s my partner at the agency not my girlfriend. We’re just friends outside of work.

**Snakedoctor:** Ah, right. Got my wires crossed there then?

**Notwhittling:** Yeah, I really can’t think of her like that. She’s like the little sister I never wanted... although I did date _her_ sister for about a minute.

**Snakedoctor:** Okay... :S

**Notwhittling:** Yeah, it got weird, lol.

**Snakedoctor:** I can imagine.

 

He really couldn’t. Brendan doubted anyone could get how bizarre it was when your date’s little sister could read exactly what happened on said date from your head. Brendan did like June but he’d been too worried about what Freya would pick up the next day to do more than kiss June on the cheek during the handful of dates they’d had. In the end, she’d broken up with him and he couldn’t even blame her for that. 

Of course, once Freya actually told June about her telepathic abilities June had realised why Brendan had acted the way he had when they were together and now teased him about it constantly. Neither of them ever suggested giving it another go though.

 

**Snakedoctor:** So we’re two single guys with nothing better to do on a Saturday night than chat to each other online?

**Notwhittling:** Are you implying that we’re a bit pathetic? 

**Snakedoctor:** Nothing could be further from my mind.

**Notwhittling:** Liar :P  
 ****

***

 ****  
Emmett hummed tunelessly to himself as he carried Monica’s bags to the steps outside the front door and pointedly ignored the amused looks she kept sending his way. It was the last day of her visit and they had a few minutes to sit outside and soak up the sun before her cab arrived.

“You really like him,” she said as she took a seat on the top step.

He didn’t need to ask who she was talking about. He had chatted to Brendan every night that week and had to put up with a lot of teasing from Monica about it, even as she encouraged him to keep logging on.

“That’s good,” she continued without waiting for an answer. “You need someone outside of all this.”

She waved her hand to take in the reserve and all of Emmett’s research.

“I’ve got you,” Emmett pointed out and winced as she hit his arm.

“I’m still a scientist and I get just as caught up with my dolphins as you do with your snakes,” she told him tartly. “Besides, you know that’s not what I meant.”

He did. Monica had managed to get it into her head that he and Brendan were ‘meant to be’ and spent most of the week telling him how romantic the whole thing was. She’d also kept finding reasons not to be around in the evenings.

Emmett rolled his eyes. “I’ve told you, Monica. You’re reading far too much into this.”

“I don’t think I am.” Monica shook her head. “You’ve been happier this week than you’ve been in months and I don’t think he’d have logged on to talk to you _every single day_ if he wasn’t interested too.”

“He’s straight,” Emmett told her for the hundredth time. “I think he’s just a bit lonely, that’s all, and I know what that’s like.” 

“He couldn’t find someone to talk to in New York? It’s one of the busiest cities in the world.” Monica laughed. 

Emmett smirked. “Apparently he doesn’t make a good first impression.”

“It’s because he wants to talk to _you_ , Emmett. He likes you too, it’s obvious.” Monica threw her hands in the air in frustration.

“But not in the way you’re thinking,” Emmett insisted.

Monica was right about him liking Brendan, and not just as a friend. They’d clicked in a way that Emmett hadn’t experienced before and it almost didn’t matter that he had no idea what Brendan looked liked. He knew that they were about the same age, that Brendan made him laugh, that he was genuinely interested in Emmett’s research and that he’d been spending most of the day looking forward to getting online just to find out what Brendan’s latest small town insult was going to be.

He also knew that Brendan dated women, even though he hadn’t actually been on a date since breaking up with his partner’s sister over a year earlier. Emmett had meant it when he said that he thought Brendan was lonely, he seemed as eager for someone to talk to as Emmett was. Monica’s visits aside, Emmett really didn’t have much contact with anyone outside of his work.

Monica sighed. “I swear it’s like talking to a brick wall with you sometimes.”

“Love you, too.” Emmett nudged her with his shoulder and she gave him a smile.

They both looked up at the sound of a car approaching and climbed to their feet as the cab pulled up in front of them.

“You take care of yourself,” he told Monica as he gave her a hug. “Try not to scare too many of those Marines of yours.”

“I don’t scare them, I just take their money,” she said, laughing and squeezing Emmett tighter for a moment. “Keep in touch and let me know how things are going with Brendan.”

“You just don’t give up, do you?” Emmett groaned.

Giving him a cheeky wink, Monica picked up her bags and climbed into the back of the cab.

A few hours later, Emmett locked up the lab and headed back to his apartment. He stood in the kitchen, staring into the fridge as he wondered if he could be bothered to actually cook something when his phone started to ring.

Thinking it was Monica calling to say that she was home safe, Emmett picked it up and said, “Let me guess, you’ve already got a cocktail and are scoping out the guys on the beach.”

There was a pause then, “Emmett?”

It was a guy’s voice and one that he didn’t recognise.

“Yes?” Emmett frowned.

“It’s...uh. It’s Brendan. Did I call at a bad time?”

“Brendan! No, sorry, I thought it was Monica calling,” Emmett said, his face flushing.

There was a chuckle. “Really? That’s weird because I actually _am_ drinking a Manhattan, while sitting on a beach and checking out guys.”

Emmett banged his head against the front of the fridge in embarrassment. “You’re not going to let this one slide, are you?”

“Probably not,” Brendan said with amusement in his voice.

And it was a really nice voice, Emmett thought, it was warm and kind of drawling. 

“Anyway, I figured it might be a little quiet there with your girlfriend gone,” Brendan continued. “Thought you might appreciate a call.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Emmett said automatically but he was smiling; he _had_ been feeling a little lost since Hurricane Monica left.

“Right, she’s your ex...who visits and hangs out with you every few months,” Brendan said. “You know that’s kind of weird, right?”

Emmett laughed. “What can I say? You get your life saved by someone and it makes you friends for life.”

“Okay yeah, that I get,” Brendan admitted. 

“Freya?” 

“Yes. The first case we worked together actually.” 

“Oh, so _she_ can make a good first impression then,” Emmett joked and Brendan burst out laughing.

“She does, actually.” Emmett could hear the fondness Brendan had for her.”You’d probably be better off talking to her.”

Emmett smiled to himself. “I don’t know about that.” 

Brendan made a pleased noise and then cleared his throat. “So...want to order a pizza?”  
 ****

***

 ****  
Brendan threw a pizza crust back into the box and groaned. “Remind me to stick to just half next time.”

Emmett chuckled into his ear. “You were the one who claimed he could eat the whole thing.”

“Jesus, I don’t think I need to eat anything for the rest of the week.” He nudged the box away from him with his foot.

It should have been strange, the evening he’d spent with Emmett, but it really hadn’t been. Once Brendan had made the suggestion that they both order pizza, Emmett had come up with the idea of them both putting the same movie on Netflix to watch together, despite the distance. Not that they’d watched much of it; Emmett had picked some buddy cop movie and it had taken all of five minutes for Brendan to start ranting about all the mistakes, much to Emmett’s apparent amusement.

After that it had descended into bickering over whose career got mangled the most in the movies and kept going from there while the film still played in the background. All in all, it had been the best night he’d had in ages and Brendan kind of hated the fact that he’d have to thank Freya for it the next day. 

She had spent most of the week very amused by the new friendship he had struck up which had perplexed Brendan until she finally broke that afternoon. He’d been thinking about Monica leaving and Emmett being stuck out there in that reserve all alone once the rest of the employees and scientists had gone home. He was wondering if there was any way he could help Emmett feel a bit less isolated when Freya had started giggling. 

“Alright, Brendan. That’s enough, we need to talk.” Her eyes sparkled as she stood from her desk and dragged him out to lunch, somewhere they could talk without being overheard.

“Okay, what’s going on?” Brendan demanded as soon as they’d ordered and taken their seats.

“You have a crush on the snake guy.” Freya pointed at him.

“What?” Brendan looked at her incredulously. “No, I don’t. That’s ridiculous.”

She gave him a pitying look. “You’ve spent all morning worrying about him being lonely.”

Brendan bristled. “I’m just being a good friend.”

“That’s my point,” she said. “Guys don’t think that way about their buddies; they wonder if they want to get together for a beer or take in a game...”

“That’s stereotyping.” Brendan snorted.

“It’s really not. I can hear their thoughts,” Freya pointed out. “They don’t spend a whole week thinking about one particular friend, they don’t get jealous of said friend’s ex-girlfriend...”

“I’m not jealous of her,” Brendan said petulantly, slumping down in his seat.

Freya kept talking over him. “They don’t wonder what he looks like but refuse to look it up in case it ‘spoils things’ and they don’t start obsessively researching their friend’s interests to impress them in conversation.”

“It’s not to impress him,” Brendan protested. “He’s a really smart guy; I just want to keep up when he’s talking about his work.”

“Brendan...” She smiled at him softly. “If you knew a guy who was doing all of this for some girl, what would you think?”

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and refused to look her in the eye, not that it stopped her from knowing _exactly_ what he would think.

Their food arrived and they ate in silence. Brendan’s stupid eidetic memory bringing up his every reaction to Emmett since they’d started getting to know each other, while Freya watched the other diners and at least gave him the pretence that she couldn’t hear what was going on in his head.

“So, what do I do?” he finally asked her.

She smiled mischievously. “Take him out on a date.”

He huffed out an amused breath. “It’s a bit far to travel for dinner and a movie. Besides, I don’t even know if he likes guys; he’s only ever mentioned girls he’s dated.”

“You don’t need to travel for the dinner. Call him up and order takeout for both of you,” she suggested. “If he’s not into guys then it’ll just be a continuation of your new long distance friendship but if he is then he’ll probably pick up on the clue.”

“Huh.” Brendan looked thoughtful. “That’s actually a good idea.”

She smacked his arm. “There’s no need to sound so surprised.”

It really had been a good idea, Brendan mused as he listened to Emmett’s chattering over his headpiece. 

“What was?” Emmett stopped to ask.

Brendan blinked; he must have said that out loud.

“Um...calling you, instead of the whole messaging thing,” he replied. “All that typing has been hell on my hands.”

“Yeah,” Emmett sounded amused. “Best date I’ve had in ages.”

Brendan immediately started choking on the mouthful of beer he’d taken.

“Brendan? Hey, are you okay?” Emmett asked, concerned.

“I’m fine,” Brendan managed to gasp out. “Beer went down the wrong way.”

There was a long moment of silence before Emmett spoke again. “Brendan? _Was_ this a date?”

“Um...” Brendan mentally cursed at himself. “Maybe?”

“Really?” Emmett was laughing and Brendan wanted to sink into the ground. “I’ve spent all week telling myself that you’re straight and have no interest in me that way.”

“Wait, what?” Brendan stopped slouching and sat up in surprise.

“Oh, Monica’s going to gloat about this for months,” Emmett groaned good-naturedly. “She figured out pretty early on that I liked you and kept trying to get me to do something about it. She claimed you had to be at least bisexual to spend so much time talking to me.”

"Honestly, I had to have Freya point it out to me,” Brendan felt his face heat up as he made his confession. “I haven't really been attracted to a man since college. I guess there's just something about you because I kind of like you a lot.”

There was another pause which had Brendan squirming in his seat before...

“Jesus, that’s hot,” Emmett said and Brendan’s breathing hitched at the husky tone Emmett’s voice had taken on. “Brendan, what the hell are you doing to me?”

“The same thing you’re doing to me, I think,” Brendan replied, surprised at how low that had come out.

“I don’t even know...describe yourself. Tell me what you look like,” Emmett demanded.

Brendan didn’t know how to begin so he covered it with a joke instead. “Is this your version of ‘tell me what you’re wearing’?”

“Ah, that’s right. Low self esteem,” Emmett murmured, almost to himself. “Your partner thinks you’re cute but you don’t know...what colour eyes do you have?”

“Hazel,” Brendan replied, deciding to ignore the self esteem comment. “You?”

“Mine are blue. What about your hair? What’s that like?” Emmett asked a smile in his voice.

“Um...dark brown, short but kind of messy. Everyone thinks I deliberately make it look like that but it just does it on its own, I swear,” Brendan told him.

Emmett chuckled at that. “My hair’s messy too but that’s just because I always forget to get it cut. It’s light brown. So are you skinny, got a beer belly?”

Brendan smiled. “I’m skinny, I guess, but I have to keep fit for the job so I work out and I run a lot. I’m guessing that you’re in shape too, what with lifting all those heavy snakes?”

“Yeah, I am but I’m also getting a little soft around the middle as I get older. Monica tells me that I have a terrific ass though,” Emmett told him smugly.

Brendan kind of liked that description and the honesty of the answer made him grin. “Are you sure she didn’t say that you _were_ a terrific ass?”

“She may have said that as well.” Emmett laughed. “Hey, so do you want to know something weird? Crazy haired jokers who look like they could stand to eat a bit more…exactly my type.”

“Well, I guess you lucked out with me then.” Brendan joked.

“I really did,” Emmett’s voice had taken on that sexy tone again and it sent a bolt of lust right through Brendan.

“Emmett…” Brendan swallowed hard.

“God, I wish I could really see you, that you were here with me. The things I want to do to you, Brendan.” Emmett’s voice wound seductively around him and Brendan’s heart started to race.

He slumped further down on the sofa and closed his eyes, suddenly feeling daring. “Tell me.”

There were some rustling sounds on the other end of the phone as Emmett made himself more comfortable too. Brendan’s stomach clenched in anticipation and he was surprised by how much he wanted, no _needed_ this.

Emmett made a low sound before saying, “I’d push you down onto my bed then I’d climb on top of you and kiss you hard. Exploring how you taste, the feel of your mouth against mine until it gets difficult to breathe, until you’re arching up against me wordlessly asking me for more.” 

Brendan’s lips started to tingle just from imagining that and he spread his legs wider as his jeans got tighter. 

“Then what?” he asked breathlessly.

“I’d push up your shirt, my hands trailing slowly up your body until I push it off entirely.” Emmett sounded just as short of breath as Brendan. “Then I’d use my mouth to retrace the path my hands took. I’d kiss and lick my way across your chest, stopping to play with your nipples. Would you like that? Are they sensitive, Brendan?”

Unconsciously, Brendan’s hand had been stroking over his torso in time with Emmett’s words while he imagined a sort of blurry man with scruffy hair and blue eyes leaning over him. 

“Y…yes,” he gasped as his fingers brushed a nipple. 

Emmett groaned; the sound deep and sinful. “You’re one of those responsive partners aren’t you? I bet that you’ll writhe so hard when I lick from your belly button to your belt buckle that I’m going to have to hold you down." 

“Oh god,” Brendan whimpered.

The thought that Emmett actually was strong enough to pin him down to the bed sent a burst of heat straight to his groin. Well, that was a kink that Brendan never knew he had…or maybe it wasn’t a kink, maybe it was just Emmett. Emmett who was currently making the sexiest little noises that Brendan had ever heard.

“I’ll be desperate to touch you too but you’re holding my wrists down and the rest of my body is pinned beneath yours as you straddle me. There’ll be nothing I can do except lay there and take whatever you want to do to me,” Brendan said, vaguely aware of the change of tenses turning this from a hypothetical scenario into something that _would_ happen.

“Brendan! Christ!” Emmett moaned. “You’ll be staring up at me, pleading for me to do more and I’ll just have to touch you. Want to touch you, so much. I’ll wrap your fingers around the headboard and you won’t move them, because you like being at my mercy, don’t you?”

“Yes...fuck, yes.” Brendan imagined himself spread out underneath Emmett, hanging onto that headboard for dear life.

“Good boy,” chuckled Emmett lowly and indecently, making Brendan’s breath catch. “I’ll open your pants and reach inside…you’ll be really hard for me as I pull you out…”

Brendan’s hand scrambled to undo his jeans, pushing them down to his thighs and groaning loudly in relief as he was finally free of the restrictive material.

“I’ll take you in a firm grip and stroke you…slowly. So slowly that you’ll think you won’t be able to stand it, that you’ll want to let go of the headboard at any minute to grab me and make me move faster but you don’t.” Emmett’s voice is getting shakier which is somehow turning Brendan on even more; just the idea that he’s affecting Emmett as much as Emmett’s affecting him. “In fact, you’re being so good that I’ll start to reward you by adding a twist at the end of every other stroke.”

He already had himself in hand, stroking exactly as Emmett described and fighting not to move his hand faster, but when Brendan added that twist he thought he might overload from how good it felt. Deep down, he knew that it was only his own hand but with his eyes clenched tightly shut and Emmett’s voice in his ear, it was all too easy to fall into the fantasy that it was Emmett touching him and wringing these sensations from his body. 

Brendan actually made some kind of keening noise that he’d never have believed he was capable of and, before he knew what he was doing, words were tumbling out of him.

“Please. Oh god, Emmett…faster, please. I need you…faster…”

There was a broken moan and then he heard Emmett say, “Yes, Brendan……Christ, you beg so prettily. Come on, Brendan, let go…want to hear it…”

Brendan worked himself quicker, fucking into his fist and trying to time it with wet sounds and harsh breaths he could hear from Emmett. Suddenly he was _there_ ; hips arching off the sofa and a cry tearing from his throat as white sparks exploded behind his eyelids. Seconds later he heard Emmett’s answering cry and then there was just the sound of both men struggling to catch their breath as they recovered.

“Wow!” Emmett eventually said in a soft voice. “That was…”

“Yeah,” Brendan agreed and then chuckled to himself.

He was going to buy Freya the biggest box of chocolates he could find.  
 ****

***

 ****  
Emmett cursed as he checked his watch. The reserve had taken a shipment of new snakes that morning and settling them in had taken longer than he’d expected. It should have been a simple matter of removing them from the transport cages into the waiting tanks in the lab. However, the moron that had packed them up at the other end obviously knew nothing about snakes and had just put different species in together willy nilly. That meant that the handwritten signs that were supposed to tell Emmett’s staff which snake was in which box were essentially useless. Instead of entrusting the, normally straight-forward job, to the lab assistants while Emmett took the rest of the day off as planned, he’d had to stay and supervise.

The good news was that, despite a couple of close calls, no one had been bitten by a viper hiding in a box marked ‘Mud Snake’. The bad news was that Emmett was now running late and had no time to shower and change clothes before running out of the building and diving into his truck.

It had been three months since his and Brendan’s ‘first date’ and they had spoken every day since, even if it was just a quick call to say good night after one of them got home late from a particularly tiring day. The phone sex had stayed just as explosive as that first time; better even, once Brendan got over his initial shyness about it and started using that incredible memory to recall just what phrases and scenarios pushed Emmett’s buttons. These days he could get Emmett going just by making a, supposedly casual, mention of his handcuffs. The man could definitely be evil when he wanted to be.

As great as those calls were; Emmett had discovered that he loved the calls when they talked long into the night just as much. Nights when they traded stories from their lives and got to know each other, until they were so tired that one of them fell asleep. By this point, Emmett thought that Brendan understood him better than anyone and, when that realisation had hit, he’d realised that he had completely fallen for the other man. 

Which was all kinds of insane because they still had no idea what the other looked like.

There had been a mutual decision not to send each other photos, both men firm in their belief that it would be better to hold off until they could meet in person. Their original connection had been so powerful that it had seemed to be far more important that they grow closer without any of that surface stuff. 

Of course, what had seemed like such a good idea at the time was tying Emmett’s stomach up in knots now that he was on the way to the airport to meet Brendan’s plane.

He still couldn’t quite get over the fact that it had taken this long to actually meet each other but it hadn’t been for lack of trying. Once Monica had finished gloating, loudly, about Brendan returning Emmett’s feelings, she had decided that she was heading straight back to Elkins to take over the Reserve and allow Emmett to fly to New York for a vacation. However, by the time that Emmett had found a security firm willing to watch an eighty foot snake, she’d been whisked off to use her equipment in some new crisis.

At that point, Brendan had suggested he visit Elkins instead. Apparently he had more than enough vacation days owed to him and his boss would actually be relieved that Brendan was using some of them. Then some informant passed information on to Brendan that had resulted in a month long operation. As it had been Brendan’s informant that brought in the tip, Brendan had been put in charge of the case and there was no way he could turn down that kind of opportunity. 

After that, Betty had fallen ill and Emmett had to nurse her through it while Brendan had to go to some sort of training with his partner, which he couldn’t tell Emmett any details about but that left him with headaches at the end of each day. Finally though, Brendan was able to use those vacation days and booked himself on a flight.

Emmett distractedly tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he circled the airport parking lot, finding a space and running into the building with minutes to spare. The small plane had already disembarked and people were walking through the gate. Emmett’s breath caught as he spotted a tall, lean man with messy dark hair. 

A _beautiful_ man with messy dark hair that Emmett just itched to rake his fingers through.

The man was anxiously scanning the airport and, before his head turned to the correct area, Emmett shook himself out of the drooling stupor he’d fallen into to hold up the sign he’d brought with him. The man spotted the sign and immediately broke out into a blinding smile, he raised his eyes to Emmett’s and Emmett felt his breath hitch for the second time in as many minutes.

“Competitors for the ‘Elkins, West Virginia Whittling Fair’?” Brendan walked over and asked in that amused voice that was so familiar to Emmett.

“I thought it would attract less attention than ‘Agent Dean’.” Emmett shrugged but the grin he could feel spreading across his face belied any attempt at nonchalance. “Come on, my truck’s outside.”

Emmett kept up a stream of chatter about his hellish morning as they walked to the truck and stowed Brendan’s suitcase in the back. He was babbling, he knew it but was too nervous to stop until they were seated in the cab and Brendan put his hand on Emmett’s arm.

“Hi,” Brendan said quietly with a gentle smile and Emmett couldn’t help but smile back.

He slid across the seat and put his hands on Brendan’s face, pulling him into a soft chaste kiss. 

“Hi,” Emmett repeated as he moved back just enough to look at him.

They both sat there like that for a few minutes, smiling at each other like love sick idiots, before Brendan broke the moment.

“So…when are you going to show me your giant snake?” he asked, eyebrows waggling, and Emmett burst out laughing.

Just like that the nervous tension melted away and they were back to the Emmett and Brendan they had always been on the phone. The journey back to the reserve was filled with talk of Brendan’s flight and the observations he’d made of the other passengers as well as a less rambling account of the snake delivery, so both men were relaxed and laughing as Emmett led them through the reserve to his apartment.

“As you can see the lounge is over there and the kitchen is through…”

Emmett’s sentence was cut off as Brendan grabbed hold of him and shoved him up against the door they’d just closed before covering Emmett’s mouth with his own in a toe-curling kiss.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” Brendan muttered against his lips. “Took everything I had to keep my hands to myself in the truck.”

Emmett flushed at the words even as he chuckled. “I thought you wanted to see my giant snake.”

“Oh, I do,” Brendan replied with a grin, rocking his hips into Emmett’s.

All of Emmett’s plans went flying out of the window at the feel of Brendan hard against him. He’d planned to take this slow; knowing how shy Brendan could be at times he'd thought that he’d have to ease Brendan into this gently but Brendan had other ideas. Apparently all the mind-numbingly hot phone calls had made him desperate to experience those things in real life and Emmett was definitely onboard with that.

They somehow managed to stumble to the sofa without stopping the kisses or removing their arms from around each other. Brendan fell backwards onto the cushions and Emmett landed on top of him, both groaning as they wriggled to find the best position. Emmett ended up laying between Brendan’s legs with his upper body propped up enough to allow him to keep stealing those addicting kisses from Brendan’s kiss swollen lips.

“Been thinking about this for three months,” Brendan told him. “You feel even better than I imagined.”

“Just wait until we get naked,” Emmett breathed into his ear and Brendan’s hips bucked up.

That was it, Emmett needed to feel skin and he needed to feel it now. He reached down at the same time as Brendan, each of them unbuckling and unzipping, pushing clothes just enough out of the way that they could finally slide against each other.

Brendan let out an incredibly sexy groan and clutched at Emmett’s hips with trembling hands as they rocked together.

“Not going to last,” Emmett said, burying his head in Brendan’s shoulder. “Wanted this for too long.”

“Me too…” Brendan gasped and then turned his head towards Emmett to whisper, “Love you.”

The simple declaration pushed Emmett over the edge with a sob, his vision whiting out and Brendan’s words ringing in his ears.

When he came back to himself, he was laying in Brendan’s arms while the other man lazily stroked down Emmett’s spine. 

“Did I break you?” Brendan murmured, his lips brushing Emmett’s forehead in a gentle kiss.

“Maybe,” Emmett admitted. “S’not fair. I had plans; I was s'posed to break you.”

Brendan chuckled and they both drifted lazily in a post sex haze for a few moments before he spoke.

“I meant it, you know,” he said, sounding shy and more than a little nervous. “I know it’s crazy but…”

Emmett leaned up to give him a soft kiss. “I love you too.”

The smile he got in response made Emmett melt a little. 

“Well, if that doesn’t make you run away then maybe I can mention that, because of that case I was in charge of, I’ve been offered a job in the DC office,” Brendan said, tangling their fingers together.

“Seriously?” Emmett looked at him in shock. “What about Freya?”

Emmett knew how close the two partners were and how much Brendan would miss her if they were separated. He’d probably be jealous as hell over that if he didn’t also know that Freya was the reason they were together; Emmett had actually sent her a bouquet of flowers when he found out about the verbal slap upside the head she’d given Brendan.

“She’s pretty excited about it,” Brendan told him and then laughed at the look of shock on Emmett’s face. “We’re a team; if I’m going to DC then she is too.”

“So… _are_ you going to DC?” Emmett asked.

Brendan nodded. “Yeah, I think I am.”

Emmett was actually speechless. He’d resigned himself to the idea that they would only be able to have this long distance relationship. One where they’d have to spend months apart and he'd convinced himself that he was fine with that because they’d managed it pretty well so far. But this...DC was still too far away for a daily commute but a four hour drive meant that they would actually be able to spend every weekend together.

In lieu of trying to find the words to express how he felt about that, Emmett pulled Brendan into a deep kiss and poured everything into that instead. When they eventually pulled apart, Brendan’s happiness was shining from his eyes, echoing Emmett’s own.

They settled back down into the cushions together and Emmett allowed his mind to wander; imagining long lazy Sundays, evenings eating pizza and arguing over movies, laughing as they traded ‘who’s got the craziest job’ stories. In all of them, the two of them were as wrapped up in each other as they were now and Emmett smiled as he realised that lying in Brendan’s arms was a place he wanted to stay for a very long time.  
 ****

The End.


End file.
